Life as a single mom

I struggle constantly with what to do about Tanner’s dad, Kirt. Every day I struggle because I do not currently know how to be without him. Deep down, I know he is not this mythical “ONE” that every one speaks of. Deep down I know that there is someone better out there for me. However, there are days (long days) when I question if the ONE exists for me. There is more to this struggle. There are patterns that need to be broken. Confidence needs to be found. Self-love needs to be unveiled. If any of you reading this has any suggestions, especially from first-hand experience, I would love to hear from you. *Regardless of Kirt's role in Tanner's life, I need to move beyond him and unmesh my emotions from his actions.

I joined a gym – Gold’s Gold in Columbia. It has a kid’s care center that allows me to take Tanner there for a maximum of two hours every day – except Sunday’s. The kid’s center is closed on Sunday. Since I am not working, I needed something positive to occupy my mind and body. I figured working out and getting some exercise would be a good thing. It also couldn’t hurt for Tanner to have some socialization with other children since he is no longer in daycare. It has been three days now that I have worked out in a row. Nothing much, just cardio. Today, I did add some weights in a light arm workout. The gym has a women’s area that is connected to the locker room. This way, I can work out in a semi-private area and not feel uncomfortable with other people seeing me. Tanner has only been to the kid’s center once but he seemed to like it. The workers said it did a great job and was very happy the entire two hours. This is great for me and will allow me some time alone – and help me stay a l...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CFOac8zybPE My mom told me I would understand once I became a mom -- now, I understand. Thanks, Mom!

I read other mommy blogs and begin to critize my own. It has not been as Tanner-focused as maybe it should be. So, here we go... Tman - today you are 7 mos and 3 weeks old. You weigh 25 lbs and have your two bottom teeth in. You stood up for the first "real time" by yourself today in front of Granna in the living room on the ottoman. Once you were up, you fell back down. But, you were up nonetheless. You are such a big boy Olive Garden tried giving you a coloring book and crayons tonight. Most people think you are older than you really are. When I tell them you are only 7 mos they are surprised to hear you are so young. You are still learning to crawl, though you have mastered getting around by scooting, rolling and just about anything else. You are very content - you laugh, smile, gigle and give "eyes" to the ladies that come in Granna's store or on the airline flights. You are goin gto be a ladies' man! I cannot believe you are going to be 8 mos o...

Did I ever share that I went on a date? It’s true – I did! It has been quite a while now, but I guess I am ready to share it openly. His name is Dave and we met through a single parent online dating website. He has a 5 year old (adorable) little girl. We went to eat at 82 Queen in Charleston and had a great conversation – a lot of laughter. We have not seen each other since the first date but we have kept in touch via the usuals (email, FB and text). He is a great guy but moreover, it was good for me to be able to allow myself to open up to the possibility of dating. Ok – it is out there. I am open to dating and the possibility of finding someone that loves and accepts Tanner and me as a package deal!

My days come and go; although they are packed full, I often overlook something because of mere haste, sheer tiresome and well, anything else that goes into being a parent. Wake up at 6 am, nurse Tanner, change diaper, change pajamas, turn on Baby Einstein, turn on swing, attempt to take a shower while T swings, blow dry hair, find decent work clothes, smell something funny, check T for dirty diaper, change blowout diaper, dismantle swing, wash swing, carry T at least 3 inches away from my body, lay towel down on changing table, change T, pry Cocoa the bunny out of T’s hands, wipe Cocoa the bunny off with wet wipes, attempt to breathe without barfing, find a new set of clean clothes for T, remove changing table pad, sanitize my hands and finally…retrace all steps from above with a Clorox wipe. Last but not least before I leave for work…find something new for me to wear because my previous outfit has poop on it. Once I accomplish that, I hurry and put T in the car to get him to daycar...

After our return to Charleston from Phoenix, I took Tanner to the doctor to get his ears checked out. While we were in Phoenix I took him to Urgent Care because he was pulling at his ears. Yep - 2 ear infections. He was not a happy little dude! :-( After medicine and a trip to the doctor in Charleston, he was 100% better. The discussion with the doctor went past the ear infection and we discussed his approximate height. Are you ready for this??? He will be at least 6' and possibly up to 6'5" YIKES!!! I better start saving money now for his teenage years to stock the fridge and cabinets!