Life as a single mom

Tanner started daycare when he was 6 weeks old (to the day). I would have liked to have stayed home longer with him but I had no choice. I had to get to work, make money, be the adult, provide income, etc....you know the drill. Today, however, is a different story. Today, I picked him up from daycare and told the ladies goodbye and thank you for taking such great care of my little boy. The director of the preschool has definitely chosen Tanner as one of her favorites. She calls herself his "Chocolate Mama." During her lunch breaks she use to take him to her office with her, rock him, give him a bottle and so much lovin'. Today when I picked Tanner up, he was not feeling well. Lavern had him on her lap and was still lovin' on him. She will miss him and I know he will miss her too. Here are the pics of his first day of daycare at Charleston Preschool and his last. :-( See a difference????

The last 90 days have been hard for me...trying to decide on staying in SC or going back to AZ. My lease in my rental is up at the end of this month and I have decided...Phoenix; final answer. Making this decision was not unlike making the decision a year ago to move here -  hard. But, I know deep down it is the right thing to do. It is right for me and it is right for Tanner. Temporarily, we will be living with my friend, Arlene in Tempe until I get settled in with work, etc. I am looking for work and have sent my resume out to many places. I am also busy reconneting with some former mentors, etc to get the word out that I am moving back and looking for employment. The plan is for Arlene, Tanner and I to drive across country at the end of May (yes, in a week and a half) and should take us 3-4 days (with frequent stops and overnight hotel stays). We will be pulling a small uhaul trailer full of items Tanner and I cannot live without and/or are irreplaceabl...

I remember playing with my Granny's hands - her skin, in particular. It was so cool to me that I could pinch her skin and it would stay up - like mountain ridges. The other day while I was blow drying my hands in a public bathroom in one of those extreme hand dryers - I noticed MY HANDS. The skin on my hands now move and make mountain ridges. Granted, they don't stay that way but for a minute I kept watching my skin move around under the high pressure and lovingly thought of Granny. And...sadly recognized I was getting older too...my hands proved it!!!

He's a lover and full of kisses! Tman and Johnny at The Pool Room, Cordele, Ga Bellied up to the bar!

Tanner was so excited he fell asleep! Kisses for his Mama

Tman with his cousin, Scott Tman with his Johnny - ADORABLE picture!

You may have been wondering WDJG? (where did Jarrett go) LOL! Well, I have been here but have not been doing good. The SAHM (stay at home mom) job has been wearing on me. Some depression set in, a lot of uncertainity, self-pity and doubt. It has not been fun. I broke down, came to Charleston, where I still have a rental through the end of this month. Tanner is back in daycare, temporarily and I am searching for employment. Keeping Tanner and searching for work did not go the way I had planned. Watching a little one is tiresome. He is into everything and I was unable to focus adequately to search, apply, etc. Yes, daycare is costing me and money is tight, but I figured investing in this time right now will pay off when I am able to spread my resume around and hopefully become gainfully employed again soon! We have had some fun times too, though...we celebrated Easter with Jeremy and his family in Athens, GA. We went to a family reunion in the mountains of North Georgia,...

Oops - this should have been posted on 4/18/11 Tanner is legitimately crawling - not scooting or improvising in any other way...he is crawling. Hand over hand and knee over knee. It is adorable! I love seeing his little booty go side to side as he sets out on his mission to grab the item he has locked in on. Motherhood is challenging but so very rewarding! I am truly thankful for this small package of preciousness I named Tanner.

I am still struggling with what to do - where to live - what to become when I grow up. Phoenix is truly my "home." It is like a warm and soft blanket that is perfect to wrap up in, lay on the couch and watch a little TV. South Carolina is beautiful and close to family and high school friends. Which also means being close to family functions and get togethers with long time friends. Either place, I need a job. I need income. I need health insurance (for both Tanner and me). To-date, Kirt is completely out of the picture. He is, however, graciously providing some financial support. None of our "agreements" have been through any legal action. I must be grateful that he is voluntarily providing the monetary support that he is. However, I still carry a lot of anger, resentment and rejection. My next step in life (work and relationship) will not be settling. It will be striving for something better - for Tanner and me!

I have successfully gotten Tanner to sleep in his crib. It has been 4 nights now. Mind you, it was not easy...on either of us, but from what I hear, it is the "right" thing to do. Thanks to the help I had to comfort Tanner, especially on that first night. The second night got better and the third night was a breeze. Really, it was. So, how did I do it? My doctor recommended checking in on him in intervals. You put your child down, let them cry, go in after 1 minute, comfort them (but do NOT pick them up) and leave (even if they are still crying). Go back in after 3 mintues, same thing, 5 minutes, same thing, etc. etc. etc. The first night is HELACIOUS! I kid you not....HORRIBLE! In fact, Tanner never really laid down. The first night he slept in a spread-eagle yoga pose with his head against the crib rail. The second night he slept on his knees with one hand on the crib rail and dozed off all night light. It was horrible for me to watch and everytime I went in to check ...

I am close to the end of nursing Tman. However, not completely done. The past few days I have gone without nursing pads (sorry guys). The other day I felt I needed a little something because Tanner is back in daycare temporarily. Much to my dismay, I was OUT OF PADS! YIKES!!! Have no fear! In a pinch take a pantyliner, cut it in half, and peel off the backing. The two halves fit perfectly as a make-shift, light-weight, nursing pad! Go ahead...try it!

This was $4.99 at the Salvation Army. With a hand full of shoes and 2 shirts for myself, I thought...do I really need this? It is a Playskool Made For Me Mp3 Music Player, retails for $160. I found one and bought it for $4.99...yes, that's right! Now, I don't know what each button does and how to use it fully. Here are the other items I picked up. Shoes for under $3 a pair. Yes, I got them....even if they are a little big right now! SCORE!!!