I struggle constantly with what to do about Tanner’s dad, Kirt. Every day I struggle because I do not currently know how to be without him. Deep down, I know he is not this mythical “ONE” that every one speaks of. Deep down I know that there is someone better out there for me. However, there are days (long days) when I question if the ONE exists for me.
There is more to this struggle. There are patterns that need to be broken. Confidence needs to be found. Self-love needs to be unveiled.
If any of you reading this has any suggestions, especially from first-hand experience, I would love to hear from you.
*Regardless of Kirt's role in Tanner's life, I need to move beyond him and unmesh my emotions from his actions.
There is such a thing/person as "The One". However, it is only found within oneself. Knowing the journey that needs to be taken (finding confidence-having self-love-etc) only makes you that much closer to finding "The One" within you.
ReplyDeleteGreat point, Jill. Well said. Point taken!
ReplyDeleteJarrett, all I can say is that it gets better. I don't have much more experience than you. Only a couple of months. Robert does not have that many more months than Tanner. However, I struggled just as you have with letting go of my son's dad. It is not an easy struggle. I look back at my other relationships and see how easily I let the other person go whether I was the one to end the relationship or they were. However, breaking the ties with the father of my child has been a harder relationship for me to let go. I think that chemically, emotionally, hormonally, there is a tie between you and the father of your child. Unfortunately, the father does not feel the same strong bond or tie that we as mothers do. But for me, it was the strong bond and tie to my son that helped me break the tie with his father. It was the realization that my son deserves better than what his father has to offer. He deserves someone who wants to be there, is able to be there, and is willing to be there for him. He deserves to have a positive role model in both parents. He deserves the best in every single capacity and manner possible. His biological father can not provide that for him. Time has made it easier as well. I don't know if anything I have to share helps, but do know that Robert and I love you and Tanner dearly. We are hear cheering you both on, supporting you and loving you both any way possible.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Laura Mae. This helps more than you know! I appreciate you sharing openly with me (and others who read this). You are so right - all great points.
ReplyDeleteThanks! xoxo
We love you and your little boy too! See you soon.
you don't know how to "be without him" . . .
ReplyDeleteI don't have an answer or suggestion, still trying to understand and digest what you mean by this...
I want to ponder it some more...
One thought comes up, you can build any life you want Jarrett, and always leave the door open for K to be as much of a father as he is able.
still pondering...
Dear Jarrett,
ReplyDeleteI want to fly down and give you a huge hug. You are one of the strongest people I know. I will be the first one to say that parenting is hard and I have a loving supportive husband and a family only minutes away. I think you are amazing for taking on being single mother and being so open and honest about it.
Unfortunately, I think most new mothers feel defeated, weak, tired, sad and lonely at some or many times during this amazing journey. I know I do and like I said I'm not dealing with being single or having a complicated relationship with my baby's father.
I cried this morning as Sophia, during a teething/ me getting over the flu/trying to wean her from swaddling/ who knows why she is crying this time phase, has decided she doesn't want to nap on her own, only on boob with me, when I haven't slept longer than 1.5 hours in a row in over a week (more than 3 hours in a row in over 3 months). Rob wants to help and offers when every he is home (before and after work weekdays, nights and weekends) but she refuses to settle to sleep for him and screams bloody murder until I take her. I feel defeated and lonely and brought to tears. I can not even try to relate to how hard it is for you and fear insulting you by implying it but I want you to know that being a Mom is hard and you aren't alone with the flow of emotions and challenges it comes with. Again, you are amazing and courageous for taking this on your own, I don't think I could do it.
You need to tell yourself, out loud, every day "I am a beautiful, intelligent, creative, fun, strong woman. I and my son deserve the best and will not settle for anything less" because it's true!
Thank you so very much, Andrea. I appreciate your comment more than I can express.
ReplyDeleteStatistically speaking, if, as the US Census Bureau estimates, there are 6,91 billion humans inhabiting the Earth, and, given that 60% of those are Asians, another 25% are either European or African, whilst North America only weighs in at 5%, if "the One" truely existed, he would be somewhere on the other side of the world, and somewhat difficult to get to know (and would probably have been married off by his prents at the age of two). The "One" is an invention of the Romantic Era, the Brontë Sisters, Lord Byron (see how well it worked for him?), and their like. The real "One" is whoever completes you and fulfils your needs at any given point in time or of your life. At the moment, I'm certain Tanner would swear that you are his "One and Only" forever and ever, but give him twenty years and see what he thinks then. You, more to the point, need to stop worrying about finding the "One" for you and take care of yourself and your needs (including spawn), as it's a certainty that you will always end up being your "One and Only", come what or who may.
ReplyDelete(How'd I do for my virgen comment?)